

This is the most Euro song ever, and that’s kind of what makes it great. The heavy Ibiza-ready beat distracted me.

Maybe it’s a ‘Candle in the Wind’-type situation, or maybe I’m reading to much into the Britishness of it all. ‘Diana:’ I’ve never been able to parse if this song actually exists in a parallel universe where the late Princess of Wales was still alive, but it’s sweet.We are still very much in the “least” end of the spectrum. ‘Fool’s Gold:’ I mean, when the boys want to break a heart, they know how to break a heart.It’s One Direction’s most Adele-worthy performance. ‘Half A Heart:’ Honestly, I cannot crack on this song because I love it endlessly and I would sob if I found out a guy thought about me when he listened to this song.This sounds like irreparable heartbreak, honestly, and life’s too short to fix something so broken. ‘Same Mistakes:’ Again, not sexual yet, but if a relationship is this broken, just do what Elsa advises and let it go.‘I Want:’ I mean, they have a point here.Every once in a while, you fall in love, and you feel special and safe and loved. ‘Once In A Lifetime:’ It’s not a very strong song, but it’s sweet.‘Don’t Forget Where You Belong:’ Proof that these are still very much good, clean-cut boys-next-door, who just happen to be pop stars who attract both legions of screaming fans and writers with nothing better to do than crank out weak jokes about their discography.You can almost hear the pints of ale clinking in the background. It does mean you will sing along with your friends in bars, because this is a perfect BFF drinking song. ‘Act My Age:’ A song about reverting to less mature and wise ideals does not necessarily mean you’re going to also crack out dirty jokes.So, as someone who had to go through her formative years guided by the Spice Girls wanting to zig-a-zig-ah on nights where two became one, I figured I’d perform a public service and find out which songs were the most sexual.

Pre-teens, even! Pre-pubescent children are claiming that they are the Future Mrs. And not to be a priss or anything, but this band is marketed to teenagers.

But you listen to a few of these songs a few times, and you realize that a lot of these songs are sexual. Now, I know what you’re going to say: How much time did you have on your hands to write this? In all honesty, I was listening to the boys of One Direction anyway (yes, as a fully grown, 25-year-old woman, and I regret nothing), so it wasn’t a big timesuck for me.
